1. Proof read manuscript and cover letter on computer.
2. Print out manuscript and cover letter, find errors, complete step 2 again.
3. Address envelope and place stamps on it.
4. Realize you spelled editor’s name wrong, complete step 3 again.
5. Fold manuscript and cover letter (if short story) and place in envelope.
6. Realize you are 1/8 an inch off on your folds and complete step 2 again.
7. Find a thick, heavy book and place envelope inside and stand on book, jumping slightly to flatten pages as much as possible so you don’t have to fear the envelope coming open during mail delivery due to bulkiness. Nearly twist your ankle in the process.
8. Seal envelope and cross fingers.
9. Realize you forgot to sign the cover letter, complete steps 3, 5 and 8 again.
1. Type sender address to publication/agent/editor.
2. Copy and paste cover letter.
3. Proof read email, close your eyes and hit send.
4. Realize you forgot to attach file, PANIC.
5. Calmly repeat steps 1 and 2, along with a DUH note to sender.
6. Double check that you attached file, close your eyes and hit send.
7. Get email delivery failure, realize you had a letter added incorrectly this time to the sender, complete steps 1 and 6 again.
Mail and Email: Lay in bed thinking you might have missed something else.